When Nothing Is Happening

My son talks incessantly. Really. He can't stop. It is a constant stream of thoughts and ideas, a running narrative of absolutely everything or complete nonsense. He can talk about very intriguing things like what "webbins" Mario and Luigi would use in a battle with Darth Vader and Darth Maul. He can convey his life plan as if it is happening tomorrow: to own his own Silly Bandz store, not get married, but adopt a little girl and homeschool her, so she can work at the store and because he can teach her lots more things than school. Or he can just ramble endlessly. The mean kid at school might want to turn to him and yell, "Shut up for five seconds!" But I'm his mom, so I can only think that in my head on these long summer "no-plans" days.

So last night I decided to treat him to a stargaze while Dad was working late. We put on our jammies, squirted on some bug spray, searched for our favorite "Magic Blanket" and headed across the street to "Cemetery Hill". Now, in my mind, stargazing is supposed to be a calm, quiet, peaceful look at the stars. Apparently, in Ethan's mind, it was an excuse to run around like a lunatic howling at the moon and creating the most nonsensical knock-knock jokes, which then put him into a fit of fake laughter. "This is so fun, Mom. We should do this more often." Look, I'm not totally insensitive. I love that he was having fun, and I did a little real and fake laughing myself. But this was not in my mind's eye when I imagined our evening together. So, I sat him down on the blanket and asked if we could just be quiet and watch the sky. Sometimes, as a parent, I will say something to Ethan and then be so grateful no one else heard it because it made no sense whatsoever, but at least HE didn't know. Last night was one of those moments. In my frustration I said, "Ethan, sometimes the best moments in life are when nothing is happening." It is not profound in anyway and definitely needed some explanation. But, upon explaining, it even became more clear to me.

Amidst all the summer hoopla, when I think of my best summer moments two things come to mind. First, it doesn't get any better than waking up each morning to a kiss on my bald head accompanied by a "Good morning, Mommy". Next, one afternoon I am standing in the kitchen sneaking a chocolate chip off the top of a magic bar and I hear "Mommy?" with a slight panic in his voice as if he is not sure where I have gone, yet I am only a few feet away from him. I return with a quiet "Yeeessss?" And since he really doesn't need anything, just wants to make sure I am close, and the best part is I know exactly what he is doing, he replies with, "I love you." Best moments.

So, when we finally sat still and listened to the crickets and smelled someone's fire burning and made wishes on the stars, even though he wished for Star Wars Mighty Beans, he also wished we could do this every night. Best moment.

Top Ten Good Things About Crappy Genes

Upon discovering that my sister also carries the BRCA gene causing her now to have to undergo the same surgeries as I, I felt the need to come up with a "cheer up" top ten list for our situation. And here it is:

Tina,

I'm sorry! This gene sucks. It is forcing you to make decisions you should not have to make and it sucks!

But let's look at the good things about this:

1. We will have no place for breast and ovarian cancer to grow which puts us in a pretty good spot!

2. We will be watched like hawks by our doctors and screened regularly, so if we ever do get cancer somewhere else, it will be caught early, and it will be survivable.

3. When we have our surgery, our husbands will not be able to complain about anything and must wait on us hand and foot!

4. We get to have those tattoos we always wanted . . . right on our nipples! Ok, that's not a good one.

5. We are going to have some nice boobs! No sagging! No bras! Our friends will be soooooooo jealous!

6. We get to tell people our story and encourage people with histories like ours to get tested and maybe even spare someone the heartache of cancer!

7. We finally can confirm that I was NOT left by gypsies like you always told me when we were little.

8. We can pose naked in Playboy for an informative article on gene testing!

9. No more periods!

10. We will always have someone else who knows how we feel. We are in this together, and it is going to be ok. We are both cancer-free and we are going to stay that way!!

I love you!