If You Really Knew Me

I am a self proclaimed reality show junkie. I have just come upon my latest MTV addiction following years of The Real World and Road Rules and all of the challenges in between. Now sucking me in is, If You Really Knew Me, where high school students are put to the test to break down stereotypes and social barriers by bringing students together and finding a common ground: pain.

I'm a teacher. I've seen this great change attempted. The result is very empowering . . . at first. So I am intrigued to see how it is done and if the long-term effects will be seen. Don't get me wrong, it is a great intervention! Anything to get teenagers to really "see" each other and understand where people "come from" can promote a much more positive and united environment, which is lacking in the clique-filled schools. I know, I was a part of these cliques in high school and nothing has changed. But, if people really knew ME in high school they would have seen indescribable pain from my parents' divorce and the more jarring aftermath, dealing with having very little supervision around my house, pressure to keep up appearances with my popular friends who grew up in wealthier families, the shame of feeling responsible for my best friend ending up in a hospital one night, the insecurities about my looks, my sports, my boyfriends. In high school so many of us buried the pain, put on the face we think others expected us to have and moved forward.

I admit to doing this in my adult life as well over the years, even though I know better, even though God has given me the strength and courage to not compare myself to others like I used to and to be grateful and happy with what He has blessed me with in my life because those things are endless. If you really knew me, you'd know I am not sitting around devastated about cancer every day. If you really knew me, you'd know that I may not feel great but I feel great. If you really knew me, you'd know when you use words like "inspirational" to describe this cancer thing it makes me uncomfortable because I am just doing exactly what you would do. Because just like in high school, we are all way more alike than we ever even knew.