Back To The Drawing Board

Yes, it's been a while since I have updated this blog. I guess when other people have endured pain far worse than what I am going through, it really put life in perspective. I couldn't write after my friend Kelly died. It didn't seem right. I was given a wonderful experimental drug that has kept my cancer away for a year and a half and Kelly was gone. It didn't seem fair. A friend recently convinced me that my story was worth continuing. If nothing else, it is at least therapeutic . . . a way to praise God for what He has given me and to find strength as I continue down this uncertain path. That wonderful drug I referenced is apparently not as smart as cancer. My cancer outplayed, outsmarted and outlasted the drug. It definitely let the wind out of my sails. Sitting in the doctor's office getting the same news time after time can really start to break one down. I try to focus on the positive (as everyone says) but the negative part of the mind certainly has a way of seeping through those positive cracks. But I have hope. I will start a new experimental drug this week. It is literally and figuratively a difficult pill to swallow that I will be on medication for the rest of my life. The past three weeks I have been washing out my old drug in preparation for the next, and it has been so nice to feel "normal" again. I think we underestimate our normalcy. I honestly feel great! It is even hard for me to believe that I have had cancer for nearly five years, and, in spite of how I feel, that son of a ----- is still growing in my body. But if Kelly were me, she'd be so happy. She'd be so happy to just be with her family and friends and living her life to the fullest. So you will not catch me complaining again. I am in fighting mode and ready for the next step.