Thursday, March 14, 2013

"I have a fighting chance until I'm gone." -Rhoda

A terminal diagnosis is frightening. Back in December my doctor said, "The cancer has metastasized. You are no longer curable, just treatable." Once the shock began to subside, then the pain of all the milestones I will miss came flooding to the forefront--drowning me. I was told the average Triple Negative Breast Cancer patient who has metastatic disease lives approximately two years. But, at the risk of sounding conceited, I've always considered myself to be somewhat above average in determination. This three-year cancer rollercoaster has certainly put me to the test, but I'm scrappy and I have faith. No super-intelligent, triple-doctorate-earning, socially awkward oncologist can take that away from me. Three lesions were found in my chest wall in that December scan. Although slight in size, cancer is cancer and metastatic cancer only means one thing . . . the clock is ticking. I felt torn. Should we just go with chemo or take a chance with a clinical trial? Since the past attempts at chemo, radiation and surgery clearly did not deter this cancer, I felt led toward the trial. But was quickly shut out. A few weeks later, miraculously, a spot opened up. One spot created by God--for me. The upside: the drug was having positive results in shrinkage. The downside: I'd have to travel to and from Boston weekly at first then every three weeks for as long as it was successful. The upside definitely outweighed the downside. Fast forward seven weeks: hotel costs ($1500), gas ($3000), tolls ($100) today's scan results (PRICELESS) Get this: Not only did the lesion in my left lymph node shrink nearly 20%, but the other two lesions in my right internal mammary lymph node and right pectoral lymph node are GONE! That is correct, folks . . . GONE!!! There is only one answer. The answer is prayer. God has been in every detail. And although I have had moments when I start to lose hope, He brings me back. Every time He brings me back. I know I am not cured. But I am not dying of cancer. I am living with cancer.

20 comments:

  1. You are amazing. Every blog. Every update. I cry as I read. I laugh as you tell of triumphs. I pray for you and your family every night. Thank you for sharing your story and my favorite verse in the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11 (quickly followed by Psalm 46:10). How about you? All my love and prayers. Liann

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    1. Ohhh Liann, thank YOU for continuing to pray! Your prayers are powerful!!!

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  2. Toni - Todd & I just read the blog entry! Of course *I* burst into tears! Tears of joy! God is good! God is great!

    I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

    With every day, I am lifting you up in prayer. I am so happy with your news!

    What a miracle!

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    1. Thank you Beth and Todd!!!! Thank you for your continued prayers!! Love to both of you!

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  3. I'm so happy for this great news!! God is Good!

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    1. He so totally IS!! Thanks for all your support and prayers, Jill! xo

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  4. Toni-- I am not sure if you remember me, but I am Ed Kelly's daughter. I saw your blog on Facebook and just finished reading every entry--with tears and many smiles. Please know you are in my thoughts and heart and that I am sending every ounce of positive energy I have your way. You have such an amazing attitude and it is apparent how much love surrounds you. Thinking of you Toni--and picturing the happy, bright, beautiful weather girl I knew you as:)

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    1. Oh Taryn!!! Of course I remember you!!! I have great memories of your family!! And you, an adorable kiddo who turned into this beautiful young lady! Thank you so much for reading my blog, reaching out to me and for thinking of me! This means so much to me!
      All the best to you and your new hubby!

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    2. Thank you, Toni. You just made my heart smile:)

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  5. Toni-- This is the best news I think I have ever heard. I am in NH just 45 Miles North of Boston. If there is anything I can help you with just send me a note on FB and I will see what I can do. Don't hesitate to ask for anything. Your are constantly in my thoughts!

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    1. You are so sweet, Erik!! Thank you for thinking of me!! xoxo

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  6. Toni I couldn't be happier. Our God truly is an awesome God. And you are so beautiful inside and out. Continuing to pray God's blessings on you.

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  7. Toni, God has a plan for you and he is working his miracles in your life so that we can all witness his greatness. He couldn't have picked a better angel here on earth. YOU are my inspiration.
    xoxoxoxoxo

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  9. oh Toni so happy you are getting this treatment and that it is WORKING!!! keep fighting my beautiful amazing friend!!!!! God is good... I keep praying! hugs!!! <3

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  10. Please Read WWW.Carepages.com under Amy Forslund. Sounds everthing I went through at the age of 33 and oncologist said I had 4 years to live and was angry until, I said you Obviously do not know my God! I am cXXXX-Free as of now! A hard fight along with having diabetes! No doc will tell me when I am going home to see My Lord Jesus Christ! still taking meds atRocky Mountain CXXXXXCenter in Booulder here is the kicker I have Gone through so much and have the Faith of my jahovah-rafa our healing God I have a free book for you just call me! I live in Louisville CO 303-604-0442 home cell 720-244-6034~Do not give up! I already know what and how you are thinking as I have 3 children! Love ~AMY FORSLUND
    STAY POSITIVE! KEEP SMILING!! DO NOT BE ANXIOUS IN ANYTHING! The Devil is so busy with his terrible lies!

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