A Stranger Takes Over

Chemo. Hmmmm, not sure how to describe it. I guess surprisingly uneventful the first couple of days is a good start. I went on with life as if there were no poisonous liquids traveling through my body. Then Tuesday came. Not completely sure how I got to work. I suppose I drove the 50 minutes as I normally do because no one beeped at me or gave me the finger, but I honestly don't know how I got there. When I walked through the doors of the junior high I could hear all the chatter around me and see the faces, but no doubt, I was not there. A stranger had taken over my body. I felt withdrawn, having no affect, trying to force smile but knowing inside I could not bring one to the foreground. It was a little scary. To think that this was the person I was going to be for the next several months was frightening. This was not the person I came to know and love. One of my friends at work asked me how I was feeling and I thought I would break down and cry. I think I just answered, "Not myself"and even focusing long enough on her to form those words seemed a chore. As the day went on, people looked more concerned. I faked my way through teaching and took solace in a trip to Stewarts for a bowl of rainbow sherbert on my lunch break to get away from the voices and find something that made me feel normal. The rest of the day went much like the beginning. Coming home and plopping on the comfort of my squeaky couch while watching Ethan and his friend play Mario Brothers was a relief, when oftentimes it can get annoying. Bed came early Tuesday along with the fear I would wake up the same way today.

NOPE! Today was shockingly 100% better. I felt like a cloud had been lifted from my brain in my dreams. I remember the drive to work. I was singing to Fergie. I walked into school with a real smile and had conversations I remember. And I did not try to escape during lunch to avoid people. Today I was Toni again. Now, I understand, that is not necessarily always a good thing, but I kinda like her.